1
00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:13,079
Unless I'm a complete moron,
2
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:16,583
you've invented some sort of a...
3
00:00:16,583 --> 00:00:17,584
steel banana?
4
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:19,085
It's a model rocket.
5
00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:21,087
My journey of self-discovery is ending early.
6
00:00:21,087 --> 00:00:24,090
You may commence bragging at any time.
7
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:25,592
There's no need to brag.
8
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,594
Stating the facts will be sufficient.
9
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,596
Do as he does, not as he says.
10
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:30,597
Does what?
11
00:00:30,597 --> 00:00:31,598
As you can see,
12
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,099
I've equipped this model
13
00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:35,602
with a state-of-the-art pico-nuclear propulsion drive,
14
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:38,104
an artificial intelligence guidance system,
15
00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,106
and a super-hardened ceramic casing.
16
00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:42,609
Yes. But can it do this?
17
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,611
Ya-da-da-da-da-da-la-da!
18
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,613
Ta-ta!
19
00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:57,123
I have no further questions.
20
00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:58,625
You're gonna be the envy
21
00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,126
of every 12-year-old in the park.
22
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:01,628
It's not for the park.
23
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:04,130
It's for unmanned space exploration.
24
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:06,633
As you know, I have long held firm in my beliefs
25
00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:08,134
that life in some form
26
00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:10,136
must exist in other places.
27
00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:12,639
My pleas for further study have gone largely unheeded.
28
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,641
So I've taken it upon myself
29
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:17,143
and programmed this to find any trace of life--
30
00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:19,145
no matter how faint-- gather samples,
31
00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:21,648
and return directly to me when it's done.
32
00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,650
Ooh, and lookee, it has a button too.
33
00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:28,154
I wish you hadn't done that.
34
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:30,156
I know where you're coming from.
35
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,171
It'll be okay.
36
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:47,674
As soon as it collects some samples of alien life,
37
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:48,675
it'll return directly to me.
38
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:57,684
[IN ALIEN LANGUAGE]
39
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:10,697
[BEEPING]
40
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:29,215
[MUSIC PLAYS FROM RADIO]
41
00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:32,719
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
42
00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:33,720
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
43
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:34,220
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
44
00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,724
CROWD [GROANING]: Oh! Aw, man!
45
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:38,725
What a rip-off!
46
00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:40,226
I saw that! I have evidence!
47
00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:48,735
My first dying wish is to live,
48
00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:50,737
but since that's not working out,
49
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:55,241
my second dying wish is to have an heir to my vast fortune.
50
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:57,744
Your wife will be my incubator.
51
00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:00,246
Incu... incu...
52
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:01,748
Well, incu-whatever.
53
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:04,250
Let's get one thing straight.
54
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:05,752
It ain't free.
55
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,253
We want a hundred dollars...
56
00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:08,755
in unmarked quarters.
57
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:10,757
The unfertilized eggs are ready for implanting
58
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:12,258
in the surrogate hillbilly.
59
00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:13,760
Hey, just 'cause I take money
60
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,762
to make babies for other people,
61
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,263
that don't make me no surrogate.
62
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,265
Actually, it does.
63
00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,779
That rocket poached your eggs.
64
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:39,786
I know it ain't fair to do it this way, Flossie,
65
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:44,791
but the bulls think you're... well, skanky.
66
00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,303
It's artificial nano-machine DNA.
67
00:03:57,303 --> 00:03:58,805
I have synthesized
68
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:00,807
the very building blocks of robotic life.
69
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:02,809
So you're saying the robots will be able
70
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,811
to independently reproduce and evolve?
71
00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:09,315
Yes, I am.
72
00:04:20,326 --> 00:04:22,328
[GLASS SHATTERING]
73
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:33,840
When do you expect it to return?
74
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,842
It depends how far it has to travel
75
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,343
to find samples of new life.
76
00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:39,345
The only thing I know for sure
77
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:40,847
is that it will return in the end.
78
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:48,354
[SCREAMS]
79
00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:50,356
[EXPLOSION]
80
00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:44,410
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
81
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,925
You know, it's lucky he has gall stones,
82
00:05:58,925 --> 00:06:00,426
or this thing would've gone right through him.
83
00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:01,928
Is he going to be all right?
84
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:03,930
Will he regain consciousness?
85
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:05,932
And don't assume that because I'm his mother
86
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:06,933
I want a certain answer.
87
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,935
Lab guy says the rocket was covered
88
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,937
with a mixture of genetic material
89
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:14,941
including alien, bovine, nano-robotic,
90
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:17,443
hillbilly, and two dozen engineers.
91
00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,946
In a word, he's... pregnant.
92
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:21,447
Knocked up?
93
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:22,949
I told him this would happen
94
00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:24,951
if he kept playing with rockets.
95
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:25,952
You did?
96
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:27,954
I'm very thorough in my warnings.
97
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:30,456
We'll terminate the pregnancy at once, of course.
98
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,458
Don't try it, buster.
99
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:34,460
That's my grandson in there.
100
00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:35,962
Or granddaughter.
101
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:36,963
Or grand cow...
102
00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:38,965
What were the other choices again?
103
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,466
Alien and robot.
104
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:43,469
Whatever it is, you'd better keep it alive.
105
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:46,472
This is probably my one shot to be a grandmother,
106
00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:49,976
and I'm not letting anybody get in my way.
107
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,477
His body can't support a baby,
108
00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:53,479
unless we pump him so full of female hormones
109
00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:55,982
it scrambles his gender identity permanently.
110
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:57,984
You know, if you doctors
111
00:06:57,984 --> 00:07:00,987
stopped worrying so much about the patient
112
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,489
and started worrying more about the family,
113
00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:06,492
maybe we wouldn't be in the health care mess we're in.
114
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:07,994
But it's not safe.
115
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:08,995
It's not ethical.
116
00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:11,998
Oh, like you give a damn.
117
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:14,000
Come on, you know you want to do it.
118
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,003
Hmm. I got to admit, it would be something.
119
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,505
Yeah, we'll put something down on the chart.
120
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:21,507
All right. What the hell.
121
00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:24,010
You'll tell him when he wakes up, won't you?
122
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,511
Of course.
123
00:07:25,511 --> 00:07:26,512
Swear?
124
00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:30,516
Okay. All right.
125
00:07:30,516 --> 00:07:32,518
[LAUGHING]
126
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,023
Maybe in the third trimester.
127
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:44,530
My feet are like ice cubes.
128
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:45,531
Is anyone else cold?
129
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:48,034
It's exactly 72 degrees in here.
130
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The same as it's always been,
131
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and I might add, always will be.
132
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Well, tell that to my feet.
133
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Ratbert.
134
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,541
I'm afraid of his slippers.
135
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:57,043
You know what I feel like?
136
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,544
I feel like ice cream.
137
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,546
Does anyone want to share some dessert?
138
00:08:00,546 --> 00:08:02,048
You read my mind.
139
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:04,050
Would you mind driving to the store and getting it?
140
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,551
I don't want to be seen buying ice cream
141
00:08:05,551 --> 00:08:07,053
until I lose five pounds.
142
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,054
Only five?
143
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,055
Is that nice?
144
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,057
If your feet are cold,
145
00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:12,558
won't ice cream make it worse?
146
00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:15,061
Those are completely unrelated things.
147
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,562
I'll need some money.
148
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:17,563
Rats don't have money.
149
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:18,564
I'll give you a check.
150
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:19,565
A check?
151
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,067
It's a convenience store.
152
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,568
It's a $5.00 purchase.
153
00:08:22,568 --> 00:08:24,070
Who writes a check for $5.00?
154
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:27,573
I give up. Forget it.
155
00:08:27,573 --> 00:08:29,575
If you must pick on every little thing I do,
156
00:08:29,575 --> 00:08:31,577
then I don't want any ice cream,
157
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,579
or cupcakes. or anything sweet and delicious.
158
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:36,082
I'll just go to my room and put on my socks.
159
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Fine!
160
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:37,583
Fine!
161
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:48,094
Tiny.
162
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,598
And those two...
163
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:54,100
They make me...
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00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,101
[GROANS]
165
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:00,106
[VOMITING]
166
00:09:03,609 --> 00:09:05,611
[HUMMING TUNE]
167
00:09:09,615 --> 00:09:11,117
[HUMMING CONTINUES]
168
00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:23,129
Huh?
169
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:24,130
[LAUGHS]
170
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:33,139
And now the Chapstick.
171
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:35,641
[SMACKING LIPS]
172
00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:37,643
Mm... SASSY!
173
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:47,653
[ALL WHISPERING]
174
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:59,165
We heard about your accident with the rocket.
175
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:00,666
Some day, you'll look back at it and laugh.
176
00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:02,668
We already started.
177
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:05,171
[LAUGHING]
178
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:07,173
[COUGHING]
179
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:10,676
But seriously,
180
00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:12,178
are there any aftereffects?
181
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:14,180
None that I know of.
182
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,682
The air is so DRY in here.
183
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:19,185
Doesn't it wreak havoc on your skin?
184
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:20,686
No. No.
185
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,188
Moisturizer?
186
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,189
No, thanks. No, thanks.
187
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:24,690
Who wants a peppermint?
188
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:25,691
Peppermint?
189
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:26,692
Moisturizer?
190
00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:28,694
That's not a briefcase, it's a fricking purse!
191
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:30,696
What else do you have in that thing?
192
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:31,697
Not much.
193
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:33,199
My romance novel,
194
00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:34,700
some moist towelettes
195
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,702
Chapstick, extra pair of socks
196
00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:38,704
in case mine get a ru--
197
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,206
I mean, uh, ripped.
198
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:42,708
You know how socks can get ripped.
199
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:43,709
No.
200
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:44,710
I do.
201
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:46,212
You mind if I borrow those?
202
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,213
Keep them.
203
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,214
You're my witness.
204
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,216
And I got these at the drugstore.
205
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,218
They're EXCELLENT FOR ABSORBING...
206
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,219
spills.
207
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,221
Oh, my God!
208
00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:59,725
I just have to try one test.
209
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:02,228
Dilbert, would you like to date me?
210
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:05,231
Not in a million years.
211
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:07,233
Yup. He's a woman.
212
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:11,237
As you know,
213
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,739
our older employees--
214
00:11:13,739 --> 00:11:15,741
the ones with the highest salaries--
215
00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:19,745
are not dying at the rate we'd hoped.
216
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:22,248
We've decided to reduce health care benefits
217
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:25,251
to speed up the NATURAL process.
218
00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:30,756
Dilbert, are you listening to any of this?
219
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,258
Actually, yes.
220
00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:34,760
I've SUDDENLY developed the ability to multitask.
221
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,763
An hour ago, I was talking and thinking and typing
222
00:11:37,763 --> 00:11:38,764
at the same time.
223
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,766
Men can't multitask!
224
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:43,269
Only women can multitask!
225
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:46,272
And lately, I've started to appreciate conversations
226
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,274
that have no meaningful content.
227
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,775
Is anyone else cold?
228
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:51,777
I am.
229
00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:54,780
You can borrow one of my afghans.
230
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:55,781
This is PRETTY.
231
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:57,783
Did you make it yourself?
232
00:11:57,783 --> 00:12:00,786
I WISH.
233
00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:02,288
As I was saying,
234
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:06,292
your NEW health maintenance organization will be...
235
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:08,794
somewhat less robust than the old one.
236
00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:10,296
How much less?
237
00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:11,797
They operate out of an Italian restaurant.
238
00:12:11,797 --> 00:12:14,300
How can doctors work in a restaurant?
239
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,302
They don't HAVE doctors per se,
240
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:18,804
but IF YOU TIP THE WAITERS ENOUGH,
241
00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:20,806
they'll remove your appendix
242
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:23,309
and PUT IT IN A DOGGIE BAG FOR YOU.
243
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:25,311
They also have early bird specials.
244
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,313
They're VERY service-oriented.
245
00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,815
Sometimes, I go there just for the sponge baths.
246
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:31,817
What IS our maternity leave policy?
247
00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:35,321
Our maternity leave policy is that if you FEEL maternal,
248
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:36,822
you should leave.
249
00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:40,826
BOTH: That's discrimination against women!
250
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,828
Every day, this company becomes
251
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:44,330
less family-friendly.
252
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:45,331
Little by little,
253
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,333
you chip away at our dignity.
254
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,335
You COULD get a job some place else.
255
00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:52,338
Wally, I'm not asking you to solve my problem.
256
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:54,340
That was a plea for empathy!
257
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:56,342
You could BUY SUPPLEMENTAL HEALTH INSURANCE.
258
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:58,844
Stop trying to solve my problems.
259
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:01,347
I'm just sharing my feelings.
260
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,852
Dilbert, if I wasn't so completely consumed
261
00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:07,853
by my OWN problems,
262
00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:09,355
I might be persuaded
263
00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:11,357
to think there was something wrong with YOU.
264
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,359
Anyway, here's their pamphlets.
265
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:14,860
It's also a takeout menu.
266
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:15,861
They DO delivery.
267
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:19,365
And may I recommend the prostate exam marsala.
268
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:20,366
[SMACKS LIPS]
269
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:21,867
Mm.
270
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:24,870
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late for my appointment.
271
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,873
I'm having dermabrasion and tiramisu.
272
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:31,377
DILBERT: I feel DIFFERENT
273
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:33,379
since my accident with the model rocket.
274
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:34,880
Mm-hmm. Go on.
275
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:37,383
For example, I no longer love my computer.
276
00:13:37,383 --> 00:13:38,884
I see it simply as a tool
277
00:13:38,884 --> 00:13:41,387
for increasing my productivity.
278
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:42,388
Hmm...
279
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:43,389
This morning,
280
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:44,390
I pumped my own gas,
281
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:46,392
and I noticed for the first time
282
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,893
it makes my hands smell.
283
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:51,397
Ah-ha. And what do you think of performance reviews?
284
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:52,898
I hate them!
285
00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:53,899
I never cared before,
286
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:55,401
but now the thought of being criticized
287
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:56,902
drives me crazy.
288
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:58,404
And do you constantly
289
00:13:58,404 --> 00:14:00,906
find yourself wishing you could take a nap?
290
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,408
Yes!
291
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:03,909
Do you know what's wrong with me?
292
00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:05,911
Yes. You've turned into a woman.
293
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:06,912
[CHUCKLES]
294
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:07,913
No, seriously.
295
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:08,914
[CHUCKLES]
296
00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:10,416
I'm serious. You're a woman.
297
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:11,917
That's impossible.
298
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:13,919
Well, I can prove it.
299
00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:14,920
Now...
300
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,422
Tell me what you're wearing.
301
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:18,424
White short-sleeve shirt, red and black necktie,
302
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:20,926
black Capri pants, white socks, and black shoes.
303
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:21,927
What does that prove?
304
00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,429
It proves you're a woman.
305
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:24,930
A man would have to look.
306
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,439
Wally?
307
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:36,942
What are you wearing?
308
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:37,943
Uh... I don't know.
309
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:39,445
I'll give you a hint.
310
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:41,447
It's the same thing you wear every day.
311
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:43,449
Oh. Is it blue?
312
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:44,950
[DISGUSTED GRUNT]
313
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:45,951
[GASPS]
314
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,954
Asok, what clothes are you wearing?
315
00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:52,458
Um... I don't know.
316
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:55,461
Possibly a parka or some sort of sweater?
317
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:56,462
Is that close?
318
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:57,463
[DISGUSTED GRUNT]
319
00:14:58,464 --> 00:14:59,465
Loud Howard,
320
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,966
what color is your shirt?
321
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,968
Is it a loud color?
322
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,470
What's wrong with you?
323
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:06,472
Are you all brain-dead?
324
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:07,973
No, we're male.
325
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:08,974
You seem very upset.
326
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:10,976
Maybe you could take a pill for that.
327
00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:13,479
Stop trying to solve my problems.
328
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:14,980
You're all so...
329
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:16,482
[GRUNTING IN DISGUST]
330
00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:23,489
Do you want to hear the most ridiculous thing?
331
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:24,990
It's what I live for.
332
00:15:24,990 --> 00:15:28,994
Our director of human resources thinks I'm a woman.
333
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:29,995
[CHUCKLES]
334
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:30,996
Is that funny or what?
335
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:32,998
Looks like you need bigger pants.
336
00:15:32,998 --> 00:15:34,500
I don't need bigger pants.
337
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,502
I need smaller pants.
338
00:15:36,502 --> 00:15:39,004
That way, I'll have incentive to lose weight.
339
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:40,005
[GRUNTS]
340
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:41,507
But in the meantime,
341
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:44,009
I'll have to wear something else.
342
00:15:44,009 --> 00:15:46,011
Where did I put my sewing machine?
343
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:48,013
You don't own a sewing machine.
344
00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:49,515
Really?
345
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:53,519
Mom,
346
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:55,020
can I borrow your sewing machine?
347
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:56,522
Mine doesn't exist.
348
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,524
It's in the sewing room, dear.
349
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:03,529
Did you tell him yet?
350
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:05,531
I'm waiting for the third trimester.
351
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,032
That's not going to work.
352
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:10,536
We have some major adjustments to make here.
353
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:14,039
I need time to ease into the grandmother thing.
354
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:16,542
And, besides, I could use a good laugh.
355
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,043
I hear you.
356
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:27,553
There. That should be roomy enough.
357
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,563
I didn't even know I could sew.
358
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:39,565
How do you like my new shirt?
359
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,066
I made it myself.
360
00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:45,070
I wouldn't call that a shirt.
361
00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,572
Of course, it's a shirt.
362
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,073
I made it extra long
363
00:16:48,073 --> 00:16:50,576
so you can't tell I'm not wearing any pants.
364
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:51,577
It's an innovation.
365
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:52,578
It's a dress.
366
00:16:52,578 --> 00:16:54,079
You're just jealous,
367
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:55,581
but don't be.
368
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:59,084
I'm planning to sew you one of these for your birthday.
369
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:02,588
Dilbert, I think Dogbert wants to tell you something.
370
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,089
Really? What?
371
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:05,591
Sit down.
372
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:08,093
Ooh!
373
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:09,595
I wasn't gonna tell you this
374
00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:11,096
until the third trimester,
375
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:13,599
but I see you're coming right along there, so...
376
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:15,100
What are you talking about?
377
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:18,103
Dilbert, you know that experimental rocket
378
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:19,605
that had its way with you?
379
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,106
I wouldn't put it that way.
380
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:23,108
You will when we tell you what we know.
381
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:25,110
The rocket had genetic material
382
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:27,112
from a variety of sources.
383
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:29,114
A wide variety.
384
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,115
Quite varied.
385
00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:31,617
Maybe you could name a few.
386
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:32,618
Hillbilly.
387
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:33,619
Space alien.
388
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:34,620
Robot.
389
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:35,621
Cow.
390
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,122
And several dozen engineers.
391
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:41,126
Wow. Do I make a good life-seeking rocket or what?
392
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:42,628
But that's not the best part.
393
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,129
What's the best part?
394
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:05,150
[ITALIAN ACCENT] Table for one, obviously.
395
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:07,152
I need to see a doctor,
396
00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:08,654
or at least a waiter, right away.
397
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,155
What is your problem?
398
00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:11,156
Do I have to say it
399
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:12,658
in front of the other customers?
400
00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:14,159
Yes, you do.
401
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:16,662
I'm pregnant with an alien baby,
402
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:18,163
or perhaps a cow,
403
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:19,665
or a hillbilly, or a robot.
404
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:25,671
I recommend Dr. Eduardo, table four.
405
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:28,173
He handles our nut cases.
406
00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:30,175
I'm not a nut.
407
00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:32,177
If I were a nut,
408
00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:33,679
would I be dressed like this?
409
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,180
Good point.
410
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,682
In that case, I recommend...
411
00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:38,684
Dr. Eduardo, table four.
412
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:41,186
That's more like it.
413
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:56,201
[COUGHS]
414
00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:02,207
My name is Eduardo.
415
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:03,709
I will be your doctor.
416
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,210
May I get you a beverage?
417
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:06,211
Ginger ale, please.
418
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:08,714
And what seems to be your problem?
419
00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:11,216
I think I'm pregnant.
420
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:13,719
[GASPING]
421
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:16,221
Hmm.
422
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:18,223
Say "ah."
423
00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:19,725
Ahhh.
424
00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:23,228
I don't see anything down there.
425
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:25,731
[MUMBLING] I don't think you can see it that way.
426
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,232
Take off your dress.
427
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,734
It's a shirt!
428
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:32,237
Yes. I will be right back with your drinks.
429
00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:33,739
Great.
430
00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:35,240
Nothing to read but this menu,
431
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,242
and it's probably been handled
432
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:38,744
by a million sick people already.
433
00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:41,747
We can't afford an ultrasound machine,
434
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:45,751
but our busboy, Juan, is the next best thing.
435
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:46,752
Don't move.
436
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:48,253
I will make a sound wave,
437
00:19:48,253 --> 00:19:51,256
and Juan will create a picture from the sonic signature.
438
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:56,762
[SONIC PINGING]
439
00:19:56,762 --> 00:20:00,265
[PINGING CONTINUES]
440
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:16,281
What's in there?!
441
00:20:16,281 --> 00:20:19,284
Sweet mother of God!
442
00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:22,788
Don't you think you're overreacting a little?
443
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:25,791
Gaah!
444
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:30,796
NARRATOR: Next week on DILBERT...
445
00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:34,299
LOUD HOWARD: What? Dilbert's having a baby?
446
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:37,302
The baby might be an alien, or a robot, or a cow,
447
00:20:37,302 --> 00:20:39,304
or a hillbilly, or an engineer.
448
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:40,305
Dime a dozen.
449
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:42,307
Do your friends think you dress too sexy?
450
00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:44,309
DILBERT: Can you help me publish a book
451
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:45,310
about my pregnancy?
452
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:46,311
I need the money.
453
00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:47,312
Follow me.
454
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:49,815
How much news can you afford?
455
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:52,317
Tonight, we take you to meet this curious man
456
00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:54,319
in a story we call...
457
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,822
A Womb with a Stew.
458
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:59,324
Michael Jackson has an order in for three of them.
459
00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:01,326
Join us tomorrow on Prime Line
460
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:03,829
when we begin gavel-to-gavel coverage
461
00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:06,331
of the fetus custody battle of the century.
462
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:08,333
Please rise for the honorable...
463
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:13,839
[ECHOING LOUDLY] Judge Stone Cold Steve Austin!
464
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:16,341
Austin 3:16 says order in the court.
465
00:21:16,341 --> 00:21:18,343
[MOANING]
466
00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:19,344
It's coming!
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