1
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Do I have to wear this?
2
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Yes, Ratbert.
3
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It's a Dogbert Day tradition.
4
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Everyone must wear
5
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the uncomfortable festive headgear
6
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Except me.
7
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I think a fruit fly just went up my nostril.
8
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[SNEEZES]
9
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Do you mind?
10
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I'm trying to watch the pine cone celebration parade.
11
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Why don't you watch it in person?
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Then I wouldn't get to hear the commentary.
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FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Look, Phil
14
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it's another one of those big things.
15
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What are they called?
16
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I think that is called a float
17
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and the name originated right here in Seattle, yeah.
18
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Hmm, they got further last year.
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I forget.
20
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Is Dogbert Day a national holiday?
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Well, right now, it's confined to this room
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but I'm trying to take it national.
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I have a meeting with congress tomorrow.
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How do you GET A MEETING WITH CONGRESS?
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I said I was a lobbyist for the A.P.W.D.B.U.D.
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The Association of People Who Drink Beer and Use Dynamite?
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Exactly
28
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Congress is trying to squelch their freedom of speech.
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Freedom of speech?
30
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What exactly are People Who Drink Beer
31
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and Use Dynamite trying to say?
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Uh, usually it's something like
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"I'm sorry about what happened to your mobile home, Bobby Joe,"
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but it's not what they say, it's their right to say it.
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It is? Not really.
36
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It's just an excuse to talk to congress
37
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so I can push my idea for a national Dogbert Day.
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We'll return to the pine cone celebration
39
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after the body count.
40
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Now, we join BABE GETS WHAT'S COMING TO HIM
41
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,664
already in progress.
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How does one celebrate Dogbert Day
43
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aside from wearing uncomfortable hats?
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Ratbert?
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[CLEARS THROAT]
46
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On Dogbert Day, any child who has been good all year
47
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gets to shoplift for an hour.
48
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I think good behavior should be rewarded.
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The traditional Dogbert Day feast is the bald eagle.
50
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I wanted something special.
51
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The traditional music of Dogbert Day
52
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is a drum solo played on your own skull with spoons.
53
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Do you think anyone will catch on to the fact
54
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that the entire Dogbert Day holiday is designed
55
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for the sole purpose of being annoying?
56
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No one caught on when I invented National Secretary's Day.
57
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I wondered who came up with that.
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[EXPLOSION]
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[music]
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[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
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Hey! You broke my window.
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It was already like that.
63
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,296
What are you talking about?
64
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I watched you do it.
65
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:52,799
Well, it looks like we have
66
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one of those he-said, she-said situations.
67
00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:58,805
I also have it on videotape.
68
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:03,309
So, it's a he-said, she-said, grainy video situation.
69
00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:05,812
I'll have fingerprints and DNA in a second.
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00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:17,824
You got quite a list of priors here, Dick.
71
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Now it's going to be awkward
72
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:28,835
every time I see him in the hallway.
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Sign the Secretary's Day Card for Carol
74
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and route it around.
75
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Have you every wondered
76
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,847
who came up with Secretary's Day?
77
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,849
Who comes up with any of this garbage?
78
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:44,851
Here, I've got a card for Jennifer's wedding,
79
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,854
a congratulations card for Mike's baby,
80
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:50,857
three birthdays and a gender-change operation card
81
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:54,861
that says, "Get well" and then on the inside it says, "Hung."
82
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Cute.
83
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,364
I signed those already.
84
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Here.
85
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Whoa, nice try, but I already signed it.
86
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:02,869
You know the rules.
87
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,371
You have to find the next person on the routing slip.
88
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All right, all right.
89
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[GROANS]
90
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Let the hunt begin.
91
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[LAUGHING]
92
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I hate holidays.
93
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Hey, Dick, old buddy,
94
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it's your turn to sign this Secretary's Day card.
95
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There you are, Dilbert.
96
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The meeting's just starting.
97
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[SHOUTING] Can we go now?!
98
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Now, now, Loud Howard
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I know we're all anxious to start the long weekend
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and get on with our vacation plans.
101
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:06,432
What long weekend?
102
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There isn't a holiday for two weeks.
103
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,936
I think that's what makes it long.
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00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:10,937
Shut up, Dilbert.
105
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You're keeping me off the slopes.
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Be sure to ski near the trees.
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It's more fun that way.
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Can we go now?!
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No, Howard, we have to start the meeting.
110
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Hey, a sports bra.
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Can I have that?
112
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So, you're letting them play sports now?
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[GROANS]
114
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That's the same sound made by the mongoose
115
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before it swallows its prey, the rhinoceros.
116
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Sometimes it takes months for a mongoose to digest
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one of those beautiful creatures.
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It's quite a sight.
119
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You know, that's the best time to bag a rhino.
120
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They can't see you coming once they're inside the mongoose.
121
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A mongoose is the size of a cat.
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And they hibernate.
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Did you know that?
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Can we go now?!
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No.
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Not quite yet
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though, for the life of me, I'm not sure why.
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Does anyone know why I called this meeting?
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Anybody?
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I'm asking for volunteers.
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I have something to say.
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[GROUP GROANING]
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We have too many holidays.
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We have more holidays than days
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and if we're not celebrating a holiday
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we're either planning for the next one
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or we're recovering from the last one.
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We spend all our time giving cards to people we don't know
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decorating cakes for people we don't care about
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or buying presents for people we don't even like enough
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to have as friends outside of work.
142
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That reminds me-- Thanks for the cufflinks.
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Oh, you're welcome.
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It seems that someone invents a new holiday every day--
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Holidays that don't make sense
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for reasons that we don't understand.
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It's made all holidays meaningless.
148
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I've always loved groundhog day.
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Those little guys are so cute
150
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before you shoot them.
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Is there some point here?
152
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Yes.
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The reason we can't get any work done around here
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is because we don't have any non-holiday days.
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So... you think we should work nights instead.
156
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Can we go now?!
157
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:08,554
I am totally preoccupied with my upcoming vacation.
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No point in fighting it.
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Meeting dismiss--
160
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Boys, you ought to get out there
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live a little.
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If you need me, I'm reachable in Africa.
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Just call Africa and ask for me.
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I told them to expect your call.
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[AFRICAN MUSIC PLAYING]
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How come you didn't leave with the rest of them, Asok?
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00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:31,577
On my salary, I can only afford to take vacations
168
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,079
within the building itself.
169
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,082
This year, I have saved up enough money
170
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,084
to spend five days in the handicapped toilet
171
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:40,086
of the fifth floor gentlemen's bathroom.
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00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,088
It is part of a restroom-hostel program.
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00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,590
So I guess it's just you and me at work tomorrow.
174
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,092
No, just you.
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My vacation commences in 10 minutes
176
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but feel free to visit me.
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There is always room for guests.
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00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:52,098
Should I bring anything?
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00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:54,100
Potato salad would be nice.
180
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,104
They move the holiday to a Monday
181
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so it's a three-day holiday.
182
00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:01,607
Then they want to leave on Friday,
183
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:03,109
to take full advantage of it
184
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:04,610
but everyone's leaving on Friday
185
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,112
and everyone wants to beat the traffic
186
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:07,613
so they leave on Thursday.
187
00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:09,115
And if you're leaving on Thursday
188
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:10,616
why not Wednesday night?
189
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,118
And you can't come back on Monday.
190
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,619
That's still a holiday.
191
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:15,121
And you can't come back on Tuesday
192
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:17,123
because everybody comes back on Tuesday
193
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:20,126
so you outsmart everybody and come back on Wednesday.
194
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,128
So, now, you're leaving on Wednesday
195
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,629
and coming back on Wednesday
196
00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:26,132
And suddenly, a one-day holiday is now a week!
197
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:34,140
Well, I guess I'll call it a day.
198
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:36,142
WOMAN ON RADIO: This secretary's day
199
00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:38,144
show your assistant how valuable he is
200
00:09:38,144 --> 00:09:39,145
by ordering him
201
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:43,149
to buy flowers for himself at Honeybee Florist.
202
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:44,150
MAN: And don't forget--
203
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:46,652
Tomorrow, the entire city will be closed down
204
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:48,654
for the Priapism Awareness Parade.
205
00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:50,656
[SIGHS] I'm being holidayed to death.
206
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:53,159
I can't work; I can't listen to music;
207
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,660
I can't use the highway.
208
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,662
Our regularly scheduled program,
209
00:09:56,662 --> 00:09:59,665
"Dr. Lorna Calls You a Moron," won't be aired today
210
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:02,668
because Dr. Lorna went on holiday without telling anyone.
211
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:04,170
In her place, we bring you
212
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:07,673
the senate subcommittee hearings on... oh, something.
213
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:11,177
SENATOR: I, uh, yield my time to the distinguished senator
214
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,179
from one of those states that, uh...
215
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:14,680
don't deserve roads and schools.
216
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:19,685
[HEAVILY-ACCENTED INDISTINGUISHABLE SPEECH]
217
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:29,195
I don't know if the rest of you heard it
218
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:31,697
but I think he just confessed to being a communist.
219
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:34,700
[HEAVILY-ACCENTED INDISTINGUISHABLE SPEECH]
220
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:37,203
I yield the senator's time to myself.
221
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,204
You can't do that.
222
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:39,705
It's against the rules.
223
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,707
All in favor of changing the rules
224
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:43,209
and just maybe getting
225
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:46,212
a huge soft money campaign contribution in return
226
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,213
say "aye."
227
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:50,216
[ALL SAYING AYE]
228
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:51,217
That's better.
229
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,219
Now, I'd like you all to sign a bill
230
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,221
making Dogbert Day a national holiday
231
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:57,223
and canceling all other holidays.
232
00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:59,225
I thought you said you were a lobbyist
233
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:02,228
for the Association of Beer- Drinking Dynamite Users.
234
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:03,229
Now, that I SUPPORT.
235
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,231
I don't know about this holiday thing.
236
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:06,732
It's a package deal.
237
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:08,734
I added the Dogbert Day bill as a rider
238
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:11,237
to the Beer-Drinking and Dynamite Freedom Bill.
239
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,739
Does anyone have a match?
240
00:11:13,739 --> 00:11:14,740
Here you go, son.
241
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:17,243
If this sort of thing ever gets outlawed
242
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,244
it'll be a slippery slope.
243
00:11:18,244 --> 00:11:19,745
Thanks.
244
00:11:19,745 --> 00:11:23,249
I make a motion that we vote on the national Dogbert Day bill.
245
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:31,757
I fail to see how eliminating all the other holidays
246
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:33,759
Is good for Rhode Island.
247
00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:35,761
I, for one, would miss all the fireworks
248
00:11:35,761 --> 00:11:38,764
and the Easter bunnies and the New Year's Eve parties
249
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,766
where I get drunk and depressed
250
00:11:40,766 --> 00:11:44,270
and do things I don't remember, but always regret.
251
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:46,272
I propose an amendment that would add
252
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,774
all of the holiday traditions to Dogbert Day.
253
00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:51,277
Dogbert Day would have cheap, tacky gifts
254
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:53,779
dangerous fireworks, visits from unpleasant relatives
255
00:11:53,779 --> 00:11:56,282
corny parades, bad barbecues-- you name it.
256
00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:58,784
Hmm, that sounds like it would be complicated
257
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:01,287
and incredibly frustrating for everyone.
258
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:02,788
I'm all for it.
259
00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:04,790
You have my full support.
260
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:06,292
Down with big government!
261
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:09,295
All in favor, say "aye."
262
00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:12,298
[ALL SAYING AYE]
263
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:23,809
Next on 40/40
264
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:26,312
we talk to Dogbert
265
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:30,316
who convinced congress to cancel all holidays
266
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:34,820
in favor of one holiday-- Dogbert Day.
267
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:39,325
We'll also hear from his critics.
268
00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:42,828
Dogbert, in your own words
269
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:46,832
what motivated you to create Dogbert Day?
270
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:48,834
I think it stems from my religious belief
271
00:12:48,834 --> 00:12:52,338
that everyone exists for the sole purpose of entertaining me.
272
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:53,839
Dogbert, ya little devil!
273
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,841
I hope you rot in hell!
274
00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:58,344
You put us all out of business!
275
00:12:58,344 --> 00:12:59,845
There's a perfect example.
276
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:02,848
There ain't no pot of gold at the end of your rainbow!
277
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,350
There's a pot of crap!
278
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:05,851
You've ruined me!
279
00:13:05,851 --> 00:13:08,854
I've got a whole workshop full of starving reindeer
280
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:11,857
and I don't know where half of my elves have gone.
281
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,859
[BURPING]
282
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:15,861
No!
283
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:17,863
Where am I going to get work now?
284
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:18,864
I'm a specialist.
285
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:20,366
[GROANS AND FARTS]
286
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:23,869
No, gross.
287
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:25,871
Up yours, cupid.
288
00:13:25,871 --> 00:13:28,374
Give that back!
289
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,376
Lay off, cotton ass!
290
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:33,379
[ALL YELLING]
291
00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:34,380
Whoa.
292
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,882
I haven't got a pot to...
293
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:37,883
[GROANS]
294
00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:42,388
[YELLING]
295
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:48,894
It's always a bit tense
296
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,896
around the Dogbert Day holiday.
297
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:03,909
Dogbert Day's always been my favorite holiday--
298
00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:05,411
Yeah, the virgin sacrifice,
299
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,913
the senseless slaughter of endangered species.
300
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:08,914
Oh, I remember,
301
00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:11,417
you know, when I was a child
302
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:13,919
the first time my dad gave me
303
00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:16,422
the jewel- encrusted dagger
304
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:18,424
to plunge into the heart of the young virgin.
305
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:19,925
Her name was June, I think.
306
00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:21,427
At one time, we talked of marriage
307
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:22,428
but once she was dead
308
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:23,929
we rarely spoke of it anymore.
309
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:25,431
It's funny how life works out.
310
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:28,434
Um, just a minor point of clarification:
311
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:30,436
Dogbert Day is a brand-new holiday.
312
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,938
It's never been celebrated before.
313
00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:34,940
Well, Christmas had its scrooge
314
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:37,443
and now, Dogbert Day has its Dilbert.
315
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:38,444
Got to go.
316
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,446
Got to do my Dogbert Day shopping... ooh!
317
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:41,947
You'll never guess what I got you.
318
00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:43,449
Never, go ahead, guess.
319
00:14:43,449 --> 00:14:44,450
I don't know.
320
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:45,951
I'll give you a hint.
321
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,454
It's made of paper and it tells a story.
322
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,955
I don't know. A book?
323
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:51,457
Well, I hope you're happy.
324
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:53,959
You've ruined your own surprise.
325
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:03,469
And what would you like for Dogbert Day, little lady?
326
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,471
You're not Dogbert!
327
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:06,972
No, but I'm one of his many bitter
328
00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:09,475
and underpaid helpers.
329
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:10,476
What?
330
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:12,478
You tell me what you want,
331
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:14,480
and I'll make sure you get it.
332
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,981
Just give me your address
333
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:18,984
and leave the door to your house unlocked tonight.
334
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:20,486
Help! No!
335
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:26,492
Hey, no cutting in line.
336
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:28,994
I'm not cutting in line. I was here.
337
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,496
You were supposed to save my place.
338
00:15:30,496 --> 00:15:31,997
I don't know you.
339
00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:33,499
Oh, thanks.
340
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:35,000
Do you mind if I stand behind you?
341
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,002
Sure.
342
00:15:37,002 --> 00:15:38,003
Hey, no cutting in line.
343
00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:40,506
It's okay. He said I could stand behind him.
344
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:43,008
He can't give permission to stand behind him.
345
00:15:43,008 --> 00:15:45,010
In fact, the case law is very ambiguous
346
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:47,012
about people you let in front of you.
347
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:48,514
Calm down, fella.
348
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:50,516
Where is your Dogbert spirit?
349
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:53,018
Good question. Maybe I'll call the manager.
350
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:55,020
[LAUGHING] What manager?
351
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:56,522
There's no manager.
352
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,524
People always think there's a manager--
353
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:01,527
Some magic manager who's going to put things right.
354
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:03,028
Well, there's not!
355
00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:04,530
Whoo.
356
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:09,535
Hey. What?
357
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:11,036
No cutting in line.
358
00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:12,037
I was here.
359
00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:14,039
How could you be here? I was here.
360
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:17,042
I don't think so. Was he here?
361
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:18,043
I don't know.
362
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:20,045
Looks like it's your word against his.
363
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,547
I am not letting this happen.
364
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:23,549
Huh, you lost your place.
365
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:24,550
I didn't. I...
366
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:26,051
Back of the line, buddy.
367
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:28,053
Hey, don't forget your gift.
368
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:19,104
I'm blind!
369
00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:20,105
I can't see!
370
00:17:56,141 --> 00:17:58,143
Are you getting out?
371
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,148
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: I think this is
372
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:05,651
the best Dogbert Day parade we've ever covered.
373
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,152
Hey, just a little trivia.
374
00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:09,154
Did you know that those huge balloons are filled
375
00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:10,656
with balsa wood?
376
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,658
I thought it was helium.
377
00:18:12,658 --> 00:18:14,660
[LAUGHING] Well, aren't you a piece of work?
378
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:17,663
[LAUGHING]
379
00:18:19,164 --> 00:18:20,666
Alice, can you pick up the pace?
380
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:24,169
I want people to see what I look like with my ears blown back.
381
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:31,176
ASOK: Mmm. That is excellent potato salad.
382
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:32,678
I have never had better.
383
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:34,179
It's the dill pickles.
384
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:36,181
Do not leave here without giving me that recipe.
385
00:18:36,181 --> 00:18:38,183
Asok, can I ask you a question?
386
00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:39,184
Ask away.
387
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:42,187
I am on vacation and have all the time in the world.
388
00:18:42,187 --> 00:18:45,190
What I'm wondering is: how can you be so happy?
389
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,692
Why wouldn't I be happy?
390
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,694
Well, you're an intern who earns so little
391
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:50,696
you have to take your vacation in the restroom.
392
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:52,197
That is true.
393
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:54,199
And no one give you any respect whatsoever.
394
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:55,701
Oh! You got me again.
395
00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:57,202
And your family is in India.
396
00:18:57,202 --> 00:19:00,706
You have to spend the Dogbert Day holiday without them,
397
00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:02,207
not that they're missing much.
398
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:04,710
It's the most meaningless holiday ever invented.
399
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:06,211
What time is it, my friend?
400
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:08,213
It's 4:45.
401
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:11,216
That means it's almost 7:00 a.m. at my parents home in India.
402
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:12,718
They will be awakening soon.
403
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:16,221
In a few minutes, as they have every day since I was born
404
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:18,223
they will wake up and think of me.
405
00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:20,225
I will be in their thoughts all day.
406
00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:21,727
Do you think of them all day, too?
407
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:23,228
No, I am often caught up
408
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:25,731
in the hustle and bustle of cubicle life.
409
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,733
Sometimes, I need a reminder.
410
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:30,235
Sometimes, I need a Dogbert Day.
411
00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:44,249
We're stuck now.
412
00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:45,751
Nothing to do but wait.
413
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:49,254
Ramming speed.
414
00:19:58,764 --> 00:19:59,765
Well, it's not my fault.
415
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:00,766
I'm just the drummer.
416
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:14,279
It appears that Dogbert's float is attacking
417
00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:15,781
the smaller, crippled float.
418
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,783
And Dogbert has never looked finer.
419
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:20,285
His cape and crown were designed by Allefonzo.
420
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:21,787
Ooh.
421
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:25,290
I didn't think you'd have time to stop by today.
422
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:28,293
I wouldn't forget my own mother on Dogbert Day.
423
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:29,795
The Dogbert float has now crushed floats
424
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:32,297
From the PTA, the joie de vie FRENCH CLUB
425
00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:34,299
and the Senior Citizen Republican Party.
426
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:35,300
But I think we'd all agree
427
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,802
that Dogbert does looks better
428
00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:39,304
with his ears blown back by the wind like that.
429
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:40,806
You know, I hate all the stuff
430
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:42,307
leading up to the holidays,
431
00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:44,810
but I do like the holidays themselves.
432
00:20:44,810 --> 00:20:46,311
It gets a little hectic
433
00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:48,814
and a little commercial on the surface
434
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:50,315
and underneath that
435
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,818
it's all hollow and meaningless too,
436
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:54,820
but underneath that--
437
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:57,823
Yes, underneath all the layers of hollowness
438
00:20:57,823 --> 00:21:01,326
and crassness and vulgarity and commercialism--
439
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:03,328
Underneath all that
440
00:21:03,328 --> 00:21:07,332
there is a warmth and a spirit to the holiday season.
441
00:21:07,332 --> 00:21:08,834
You're right.
442
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:18,343
Lord, help me!
443
00:21:18,343 --> 00:21:20,846
[SCREAMING]
444
00:21:23,348 --> 00:21:26,852
It's... so... cold.
445
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:31,356
You know, this is the best Dogbert Day ever.
446
00:21:37,362 --> 00:21:39,865
They say the trick is to marinate it overnight.
447
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:42,367
That's what gives it the flavor.
448
00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:47,372
Did you marinate this?
449
00:21:47,372 --> 00:21:50,375
No. I just slapped it with a spatula
450
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:52,377
till it stopped trying to get away.
451
00:21:52,377 --> 00:21:53,879
That's my own little trick.
452
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:56,381
You won't see that in any fancy cook book...
453
00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:57,382
At least, I think you won't.
454
00:21:57,382 --> 00:21:59,885
I haven't actually checked.
455
00:22:09,394 --> 00:22:12,397
[music]
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