1
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Hmm... hmm.
2
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:10,076
Huh. According to my perpetual calendar program
3
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:13,580
June 30 in the year 2014 will be a Thursday.
4
00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:15,081
Did you know that?
5
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,083
If I say yes, will you not talk?
6
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No. This is kind of interesting.
7
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Guess what day of the week
8
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is the first day of the year 2222.
9
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Two-sday?
10
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,092
No, but that would've been good, too.
11
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More importantly, which is better, Paris or Rome?
12
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Better?
13
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Paris.
14
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,602
Which is better, Prague or Budapest?
15
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Why does it matter which is better?
16
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Prague.
17
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Which is better...
18
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What're you doing?
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I have to RSVP to my millennium parties.
20
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Millennium parties?
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00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:47,614
Yes.
22
00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:49,616
Which is better, Hong Kong or Singapore?
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Wait a minute.
24
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Maybe my invitations have been lost in the mail.
25
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:54,621
Oh, who cares?
26
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,623
I never liked New Year's Eve anyway
27
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And this one's no different.
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Except that everyone on earth will be
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celebrating the end of the millennium.
30
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Well... everyone except you.
31
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I don't care!
32
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I will not be pressured into having fun
33
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just because we arbitrarily use a base ten counting system
34
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and a big round number is coming up.
35
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If I'm going to have fun, I want a good reason.
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Well said... so, which is better
37
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Lisbon or Istanbul?
38
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Oh, come on. I can't be the only person
39
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Not getting invitations to millennium parties.
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RATBERT: Which is better
41
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Tokyo or Munich?
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[EXPLOSION]
43
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[music]
44
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[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
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Do you guys have any party plans
46
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,225
for New Years Eve, 1999?
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Oh, yeah, of course.
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Only a total loser would have no plans
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for the biggest night ever in our lifetime.
50
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What are you doing, Dilbert?
51
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Me?
52
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I, uh...
53
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I got plans.
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I'm planning to link up
55
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with my survivalist militia group
56
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and loot a National Guard ammunitions dump.
57
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Do you know something I don't?
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Hello? The millennium bug?
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When the date hits 2000, all computers will malfunction
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and the world will plunge into chaos.
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I don't want to be outgunned.
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We won't a have a year 2000 problem
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in this company.
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All of our computers are new.
65
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:12,759
Not all. You're forgetting Black Betty.
66
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Black Betty. That mainframe was replaced years ago.
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Black Betty.
68
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Did you say Black Betty?
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Boy...I haven't thought about old Black Betty in ages--
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Maybe never.
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But she's real.
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As real as the dwarf
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who sneaks into my bedroom at night
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and steals my underwear.
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About that mainframe...
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Not now. I'm reminiscing.
77
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Where was I?
78
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Black Betty.
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Yes, Black Betty the mainframe.
80
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Boy, oh, boy.
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We thought about replacing her years ago
82
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but then we thought
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"Well, why not just cobble our new systems
84
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"to the old one with untold miles of spaghetti code
85
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and obsolete coax cable?"
86
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,297
Why'd you do that?!
87
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:53,299
It was an executive decision.
88
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,802
We figured it would save money in the short run
89
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and only later plunge the company into darkness
90
00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:01,307
after we executives had all left for other companies.
91
00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:02,809
But you're still here.
92
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,310
Brinksmanship-- I live for it.
93
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:06,312
You know how sometimes you're driving down the freeway
94
00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:08,815
and you pull into the oncoming lane intentionally
95
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,316
only to swerve away at the last minute?
96
00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,318
That was you? You ran me off the road.
97
00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:14,821
Stared destiny right in the face.
98
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You could've killed me.
99
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:17,323
Sorry.
100
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:21,327
Anyway, which is better, Jakarta or Geneva?
101
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:23,830
We have to do something about the millennium bug.
102
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The millennium bug?
103
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:29,335
Are you telling me that Han Solo's ship is here?
104
00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:31,337
That's the Millennium Falcon.
105
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:34,841
I'm talking about the year 2000 problem: Y2K.
106
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:37,343
Oh, yes, um...
107
00:04:37,343 --> 00:04:38,845
T3G.
108
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:39,846
Pardon?
109
00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:41,848
[LAUGHS] B9C.
110
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:42,849
"B9C"?
111
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,351
Look, if our computer systems are all connected
112
00:04:45,351 --> 00:04:47,854
to Black Betty, some ancient mainframe--
113
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:48,855
Oh! Oh!
114
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:50,356
E4J. This is fun.
115
00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:52,859
...we're out of business when the date changes.
116
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:56,362
You mean all the technology is going to...
117
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:57,864
break?
118
00:04:57,864 --> 00:04:58,865
Yes!
119
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:01,868
Is there any way this "collapse of civilization" thing
120
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could affect me, personally?
121
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I think it might.
122
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,872
Okay, then.
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You have my full support to fix the problem.
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Unless it involves any sort of resources
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or decisions or effort on my part.
126
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Remember: Money is no object.
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Unless, of course, you plan to spend it.
128
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Me? Why is it up to me?
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Because you brought it up.
130
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You know the rules.
131
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He who complains is assigned to fix it.
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That only applies to little things.
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This could be the biggest project
134
00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:28,895
in our company's history.
135
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:31,397
And I've never even seen that Black Betty mainframe.
136
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,399
No one has, for years.
137
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It's quite splendiferous.
138
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You've seen it?
139
00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:36,903
I helped install it.
140
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,404
Of course, that was years ago,
141
00:05:38,404 --> 00:05:40,907
before the life force was drained from my body
142
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and I became a selfish and apathetic shell of a man.
143
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Then you can help.
144
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:46,412
I don't think you were listening.
145
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:48,414
Besides, I don't even remember back then.
146
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You have to help, Wally.
147
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:51,918
The career of every employee depends on it.
148
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:53,419
If our mainframe goes nuts,
149
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:55,421
we'll lose our payroll system.
150
00:05:55,421 --> 00:05:57,924
Our pension database. The personnel records.
151
00:05:57,924 --> 00:05:59,926
It will be as if we never even worked here.
152
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,427
For me, every day is like that.
153
00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:02,929
You know what I mean.
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00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,932
If we go down, you're going down with us.
155
00:06:05,932 --> 00:06:06,933
Shh, shh...
156
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:09,435
Yes, I want the gold card, the silver card
157
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:10,436
and the platinum card.
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00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:13,940
Are there any other heavy metals that you make cards in?
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Okay, then. Send them out.
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Wally, what are you doing?
161
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,444
Welcoming in the millennium.
162
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:19,946
By ordering credit cards?
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00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:21,447
That's right.
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00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:22,448
I'm applying for every credit card
165
00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:23,950
I can get my hands on.
166
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:25,451
Then I'll take huge cash advances
167
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:28,955
and wait for the millennium bug to hose the banks' computers.
168
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,456
They'll never be able to bill me.
169
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:32,959
You would have made a great evil mastermind.
170
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,460
No, the hours are too long.
171
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:37,463
Alice, you got to help me
172
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:38,965
on this year 2000 project.
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00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:39,966
I need a team.
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00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,467
I would, but I don't have time.
175
00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:42,468
I'm buried with work.
176
00:06:42,468 --> 00:06:43,970
Maybe you should come with me
177
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:45,471
to see the director of Human Resources.
178
00:06:45,471 --> 00:06:47,974
He might have a company-sponsored program
179
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,475
for time management.
180
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:50,977
Asok, we need your help
181
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:52,979
on the year 2000 project.
182
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,481
I'd like to help, but I'm just an intern.
183
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:57,984
I have no experience with computers made before the '90s.
184
00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,485
Come with us to see
185
00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:00,486
the director of Human Resources.
186
00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,988
Maybe he knows of some
187
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:04,991
company-sponsored training you can take.
188
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:07,994
Wally...
189
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:10,496
Shh, I'm securing a home equity loan.
190
00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:11,998
But you don't own a home.
191
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:14,000
I don't, but my good friend Bob does.
192
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,501
Who's Bob?
193
00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:17,503
I'm Bob. Oh.
194
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:18,504
Sheesh.
195
00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:20,006
But Wally, you're our best hope.
196
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:22,008
You've got to help on the year 2000 problem.
197
00:07:22,008 --> 00:07:23,509
You were there.
198
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:24,510
You know where the date code is
199
00:07:24,510 --> 00:07:26,012
on the old mainframe.
200
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:27,513
I don't remember any of it.
201
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,015
It was a long time ago.
202
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,016
Yes, I'm holding.
203
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:33,019
Come with us to see the director of Human Resources.
204
00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:35,521
Maybe he has some sort of company-sponsored program
205
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,023
to regain lost memories.
206
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,524
Aaah!
207
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:41,527
MAN: Bob? Bob, are you there?
208
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,029
Hello, Bob?
209
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:45,031
Dogbert, I need you.
210
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:47,033
Meet me at work.
211
00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:56,042
[WIZARD OF OZ -STYLE MUSIC PLAYING]
212
00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:12,058
What do you want?
213
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:13,559
We came to see Mr. Catbert.
214
00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:14,560
What for?
215
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,062
Well, I need 45 more people
216
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:18,564
to help me on the year 2000 project.
217
00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:19,565
I need more time.
218
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,067
I need experience.
219
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,068
I need a memory.
220
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:23,569
What about the dog?
221
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,571
I'm perfect, but thanks for asking.
222
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:28,074
Mr. Catbert is busy. Go away!
223
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,579
We could shove Asok, the intern, through the opening
224
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:35,581
and he can unlock the door from the other side.
225
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:37,583
I could never fit in that tiny--
226
00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:39,085
Oh...
227
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,088
Note to self:
228
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,590
Get smarter troll to guard door.
229
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,592
We need your help. I can't help.
230
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:49,095
Why not? It's a company policy.
231
00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:51,097
Aren't you the one who makes the company policies?
232
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,099
Do I have a great job or what?
233
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:54,100
If you don't help us
234
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,101
we'll be stuck here
235
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,602
and we'll never be able to go home.
236
00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:58,604
Dilbert, you don't need me.
237
00:08:58,604 --> 00:09:02,108
You have everything you need right here.
238
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:03,109
Take Asok here.
239
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:04,610
He has no experience.
240
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,112
I am a blank slate.
241
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:07,613
But what he doesn't realize
242
00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:10,116
is that cynicism is almost the same thing
243
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,118
as experience.
244
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,119
It is?
245
00:09:13,119 --> 00:09:16,622
Sure. Just try thinking the worst about people
246
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:18,624
and you'll usually be right.
247
00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:21,127
I feel wiser already.
248
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:22,128
And Alice.
249
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,129
You need more time.
250
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:25,631
But that's only because you spend so much time
251
00:09:25,631 --> 00:09:27,633
with your hair and makeup in the morning.
252
00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:28,634
That's a necessity.
253
00:09:28,634 --> 00:09:30,636
Only in your mind.
254
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:32,638
You mean I'm beautiful just the way I am?
255
00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:34,140
CATBERT: No.
256
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,641
I mean it's a lost cause.
257
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:39,145
You should put that time to better use.
258
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:40,646
DILBERT: What about Wally?
259
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:41,647
He needs a memory.
260
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:43,649
Wally doesn't need a real MEMORY.
261
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:44,650
I don't?
262
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:46,652
No. Recent court rulings
263
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:48,154
have proven false memory
264
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:50,656
is just as good as the real thing.
265
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:51,657
Maybe better.
266
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,159
How do I get one of those?
267
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,660
Hypnosis will do the trick.
268
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,162
I have some books right here.
269
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:57,663
Let me see those.
270
00:10:05,171 --> 00:10:07,673
You don't have these on video, do you?
271
00:10:07,673 --> 00:10:09,175
Okay, this is a start,
272
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:10,676
but I still need more bodies.
273
00:10:10,676 --> 00:10:12,678
Don't you have a list of surplused employees?
274
00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:15,681
Well, I don't usually do this.
275
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:17,683
Do what? Be helpful.
276
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:19,185
But I do have a list of employees
277
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,187
who have recently been terminated.
278
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:22,188
How does that help?
279
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:24,190
They're still on the payroll
280
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,191
for two more weeks.
281
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,193
They're all described in this binder.
282
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:32,698
[music]
283
00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:34,200
NARRATOR: The useless guy.
284
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,202
The useless guy will take up space
285
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,703
and eat your doughnuts.
286
00:10:37,703 --> 00:10:40,706
Sometimes he will clip articles from publications
287
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:41,707
and leave them on your chair.
288
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:43,209
Ted, the generic guy.
289
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,211
He has no distinct characteristics.
290
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,213
People who have known him for years
291
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,214
can't describe him.
292
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:50,216
There may be more than one Ted in the company.
293
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,218
No one really knows.
294
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,719
Zimbu, the monkey.
295
00:10:53,719 --> 00:10:55,721
Smarter than the average simian.
296
00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:58,224
Writes computer code at record speed
297
00:10:58,224 --> 00:10:59,725
thanks to his tail.
298
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:02,228
They aren't much, but they'll have to do.
299
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,730
Can you regress him to his earlier days
300
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,232
as an engineer,
301
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,234
when he helped install the mainframe?
302
00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:10,736
I'm not up to the regression chapter yet.
303
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:11,737
What have YOU LEARNED?
304
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:14,240
I can make him walk a tightrope across a ravine.
305
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,242
Does it have to be a ravine?
306
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:17,743
Can it be any sort of chasm?
307
00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:20,746
Sure. Ravine or gulch... or chasm.
308
00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:22,748
Orgasm... Huh?
309
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,753
Oops, I skipped a chapter.
310
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:43,269
[THUD]
311
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:47,273
[GRUNTING]
312
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:48,274
Mom?
313
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,775
Mom?
314
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:50,776
In here, dear.
315
00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:52,278
Push a little harder.
316
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:54,280
Get your shoulder into it.
317
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,282
[GRUNTING]
318
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:00,286
Mom, what are you doing?
319
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:01,287
Stockpiling.
320
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:03,289
Stockpiling? Why?
321
00:12:03,289 --> 00:12:04,790
Where have you been?
322
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:07,293
Haven't you heard about Y2K?
323
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:08,294
Heard of it?
324
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:11,297
I'm in charge of fixing the bug for my whole company.
325
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:13,299
You are? God help them.
326
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,300
Thanks, Mom.
327
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,302
Maybe you should start hoarding
328
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:19,305
essential supplies before it's too late.
329
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:21,807
Why are you hoarding hair conditioner?
330
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:23,309
I had a coupon.
331
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,810
Mom, it would be a lot easier
332
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:26,812
to talk to you if I could see you.
333
00:12:26,812 --> 00:12:28,814
I'm not here.
334
00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:30,316
I'm at the Warehouse Shopping Club
335
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:31,817
with a moving van.
336
00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:33,819
Am I so predictable you can record
337
00:12:33,819 --> 00:12:36,322
your side of the conversation in advance?
338
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:38,324
Yes, you are so predictable
339
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:42,328
I can record my side of the conversation in advance.
340
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,834
Put it back.
341
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:57,343
DILBERT: Excuse me.
342
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:58,344
I need to get out.
343
00:12:58,344 --> 00:12:59,845
Get out? Nobody gets out.
344
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:01,847
Haven't you learned that by now?
345
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:02,848
I mean the driveway.
346
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,350
I know what you mean.
347
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,352
The question is, do you KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN?
348
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:07,353
What do you mean?
349
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,854
You're concerned about Y2K.
350
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:11,357
You're afraid you won't be able to solve the problem in time.
351
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:12,858
That you'll go down in history
352
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:14,360
as the goat of the new millennium.
353
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,361
How do you know that?
354
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:16,862
It's written all over your face.
355
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:22,368
If you're so smart, what do I do about the year 2000 problem?
356
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:23,369
Don't fight the problem.
357
00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:24,870
Embrace it.
358
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,372
You are Y2K.
359
00:13:26,372 --> 00:13:28,374
I am Y2K.
360
00:13:28,374 --> 00:13:30,376
Are you just going to keep repeating what I say?
361
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,878
Okay. Embrace it. Got it.
362
00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:34,880
Finally.
363
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:40,386
Uh, excuse me.
364
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:41,887
I still need to get out.
365
00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:43,889
They never listen.
366
00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,395
This all looks pretty optional.
367
00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:56,902
And then he says,
368
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:58,404
"Do you KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN?"
369
00:13:58,404 --> 00:13:59,905
And I said-- Fix it yet?
370
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:00,906
Not yet.
371
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:01,907
Okay.
372
00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:03,909
As I was saying...
373
00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:05,911
Cut it out!
374
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:07,913
I'm not doing anything!
375
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,915
Your tail is poking my face!
376
00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:12,918
Your face is poking my tail!
377
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:15,921
Let's go around the table and introduce ourselves.
378
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:16,922
We just did that.
379
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:18,424
Can anyone pay attention here?
380
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:21,927
Can I say something?
381
00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:22,928
What?!
382
00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:26,432
Nothing!
383
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:28,434
It's just been a while since I said anything!
384
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:29,435
[FRUSTRATED SIGH]
385
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:30,436
Now, Ted...
386
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,938
It seems to me you might be able to...
387
00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:34,440
Ted?
388
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,442
I was saying you might be able to--
389
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:37,943
Ted, I--
390
00:14:37,943 --> 00:14:39,445
Ted.
391
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:40,446
Ted!
392
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:41,447
Are you talking to me?
393
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:42,948
Yes!
394
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:43,949
My name's not Ted.
395
00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:44,950
It's not?
396
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:45,951
Well, what is it?
397
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,454
Well, it's Ted...
398
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,456
but not the Ted you're thinking of.
399
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:51,957
Hey, what did I tell you?
400
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:53,959
Come and get me!
401
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:55,461
[SCREECHING]
402
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:56,462
TED: Help! Help!
403
00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:57,463
Get him off of me!
404
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:58,964
I cut out this article today.
405
00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:00,966
I'll pass it around.
406
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,468
[GRUNTING]
407
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:03,469
[ZIMBU SCREECHING]
408
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,971
There it is. Black Betty.
409
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:07,473
That mainframe is tied
410
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:09,975
to every computer system in this company.
411
00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:12,978
And only Wally knows its secrets.
412
00:15:13,979 --> 00:15:15,481
[RUMBLING AND ELECTRONIC HORN SOUNDING]
413
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,487
[AWED GASPING]
414
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:23,989
This is the only control port into Black Betty.
415
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,991
It hasn't been used for years.
416
00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:27,493
There must be 10 million lines
417
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:29,495
of computer code in that thing.
418
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:30,996
And no written documentation.
419
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:33,999
Let's give up now and form an agrarian society!
420
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,501
Don't panic yet.
421
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,002
If Dogbert can get Wally
422
00:15:37,002 --> 00:15:39,004
to remember how we install this,
423
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:41,507
we'll know exactly where to make the changes.
424
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:44,510
So our futures depend on Wally.
425
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:48,013
That's it! We're all farmers!
426
00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:49,515
How's it going?
427
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:50,516
Any progress?
428
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:52,518
Moo...
429
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,520
Apparently, he was a cow in a previous life.
430
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,522
Stop playing around.
431
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,524
We need him to remember his days as a young engineer,
432
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:01,026
when he installed the Black Betty mainframe.
433
00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:02,528
You're stressed.
434
00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:04,029
Have a glass of warm milk.
435
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:06,031
I am KIND OF THIRSTY.
436
00:16:06,031 --> 00:16:07,032
[SLURPS]
437
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:08,033
Moo...
438
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:10,035
[SPUTTERING]
439
00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:12,037
Blecch!
440
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:15,541
ASOK: It's COBOL.
441
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,543
I learned about this in school.
442
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,545
You learned to program in COBOL?
443
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:22,047
No. I learned about it in history class.
444
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:23,549
History, you say.
445
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:28,053
I'll see if I can find anything about HISTORY in the literature.
446
00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:34,059
Back... Back in time. Back to the 1970s.
447
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,567
WALLY: I am getting such A SUNBURN.
448
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:43,569
Whose idea was this pyramid thing anyway?
449
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:46,071
Why don't we just cover the pharaoh with sand?
450
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:48,574
He afraid we'll run out?
451
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:51,076
Now, this IS MORE LIKE IT.
452
00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:56,081
Hey, I'm on a break.
453
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,084
How did you get here?
454
00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:01,086
Hey, who's the hypnotist?
455
00:17:01,086 --> 00:17:02,087
Right.
456
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:04,590
A god has descended to earth!
457
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:05,591
Sorry, no autographs.
458
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:12,598
In retrospect, this was a pretty great epoch.
459
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:15,100
All right, who wants to fan me?
460
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:16,101
Back...
461
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:17,603
Back in time...
462
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:19,104
To the 1970s...
463
00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:20,606
A.D.
464
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:23,108
Remember yourself as a young engineer.
465
00:17:23,108 --> 00:17:24,109
I had hair.
466
00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:26,612
You were full of optimism and enthusiasm.
467
00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:27,613
I cared about my job.
468
00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,615
["FREE RIDE" PLAYING]
469
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:30,616
Morning.
470
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:31,617
Morning.
471
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:32,618
Morning.
472
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:33,619
Morning.
473
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:34,620
Morning.
474
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:36,121
Good MORNING.
475
00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:38,624
That's the new whiz kid.
476
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:39,625
Ha!
477
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:40,626
Hotshot!
478
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:43,128
So much hope and energy.
479
00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:46,131
He's got the world on a string.
480
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:49,635
Hey, Wally, how about some coffee?
481
00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:51,136
Uh, thanks but no thanks.
482
00:17:51,136 --> 00:17:52,638
I don't want to miss any work.
483
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:54,139
[SHUDDERING MOAN]
484
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:56,642
Look at him go!
485
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,644
He's written an entire customer database system
486
00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:00,646
from scratch.
487
00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:04,149
Why do we only use two DIGITS TO STORE THE DATES?
488
00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:05,150
It saves space.
489
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:06,652
Yeah, but in the year 2000
490
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:07,653
the programs won't work
491
00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:10,656
because the computer will think it's year zero-zero.
492
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,157
[LAUGHING]
493
00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:14,660
[LAUGHING]
494
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:16,161
Zero-zero...
495
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:17,663
That Wally.
496
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:19,665
Oh, can you imagine?
497
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:21,166
We know
498
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:22,668
from the hypnotic regression
499
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:25,170
that Wally used to be a great engineer.
500
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,171
Wow.
501
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:29,675
From great engineer to doorstop in just a few short years.
502
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,677
Wally was a magnificent stallion
503
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,679
before he became a broken man.
504
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:36,682
You don't often hear the words "Wally" and "stallion"
505
00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:37,683
in the same sentence.
506
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:39,685
But he was a stallion once.
507
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:40,686
That's the point.
508
00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:41,687
Don't you get it?
509
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:42,688
I get it!
510
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,191
No, I don't!
511
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:48,694
We've got to think like Wally.
512
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:49,695
[SNORING]
513
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:50,696
No!
514
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:52,197
Young WALLY.
515
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:55,200
Young Wally would have seen this year 2000 problem coming.
516
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,202
He would've left flags in the program
517
00:18:57,202 --> 00:18:59,705
so he could find the date code easily.
518
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:03,208
Probably some sort of keyword in the program documentation.
519
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:04,710
If we figure out the keyword
520
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:07,212
we'll know exactly where the problems are.
521
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:09,214
Wally, what is the keyword?
522
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:10,215
Keyword.
523
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:12,718
What is the keyword?
524
00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:14,720
Keyword. No, no.
525
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,722
What is THE KEYWORD?
526
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:17,222
Keyword.
527
00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:23,729
I think his keyword was "keyword."
528
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:27,232
All right, I said "smart," not "creative."
529
00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:38,243
This old equipment won't make it!
530
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:40,245
It has to. It's obsolete.
531
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,748
If it fries, we'll never have a way
532
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,249
to reprogram the mainframe.
533
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,757
He's not going to make it!
534
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:53,258
He's not fast enough!
535
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:54,259
Step aside!
536
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:55,761
I see what he's doing.
537
00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:57,262
You just need a faster typist.
538
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:02,768
Still no good!
539
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:04,269
He won't make it!
540
00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:05,771
Use the tail, Zimbu. The tail!
541
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:11,777
Fix it yet?
542
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:13,278
Not yet!
543
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,780
Okay.
544
00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:18,784
It's going to blow!
545
00:20:26,291 --> 00:20:28,293
I feel so...soiled.
546
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:30,295
Even more than usual.
547
00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:33,298
Oh, my God, have I been working?
548
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:34,299
Is it fixed yet?
549
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:36,802
We won't know until January 1st.
550
00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:37,803
Why?
551
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:40,806
What significance does January 1st have?
552
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:43,308
January 1st, 2000.
553
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:45,811
Apparently...you've been too busy fooling around
554
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:47,312
to read the news.
555
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:51,817
The National Bureau of Standards has decided to skip 2000.
556
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:54,820
The 21st century won't officially start
557
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:56,321
till the year 2001.
558
00:20:56,321 --> 00:20:57,322
You can't do that.
559
00:20:57,322 --> 00:21:00,325
That's what they said about daylight savings time.
560
00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:01,326
No, they didn't.
561
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:02,828
Well, they should've.
562
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:03,829
My watch is off by an hour.
563
00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:05,831
Sometimes it's like that for months.
564
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:09,334
Maybe we should get hopping on the year 3000 PROBLEM.
565
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:11,336
You know, nip it in the bud.
566
00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:13,839
Good THINKING, ALICE.
567
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:15,841
You're in charge.
568
00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,342
[EXASPERATED SIGH]
569
00:21:25,851 --> 00:21:27,853
Hi, how are you?
570
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:28,854
What?
571
00:21:28,854 --> 00:21:30,355
Nothing.
572
00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:32,357
I'm here to withdraw the maximum cash advances
573
00:21:32,357 --> 00:21:34,359
from each of these credit cards.
574
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:37,362
Are you one of those guys who thinks our computer records
575
00:21:37,362 --> 00:21:39,364
will be wiped out by the year 2000 bug
576
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:40,866
and you won't have to pay us back?
577
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:43,869
And there's nothing you can do about it.
578
00:21:47,873 --> 00:21:49,374
Here you go.
579
00:21:52,377 --> 00:21:53,378
[YELLS]
580
00:21:55,881 --> 00:21:59,384
You know, no matter how many times I do that
581
00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:01,386
it's always enjoyable.
582
00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:11,396
[music]
Скачать Dilbert.01x10.Y2K.en как выбрать матрас .
Для автосервисов покрасочное оборудование sata. .
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