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[HONKING]
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Excuse me.
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Can I get in?
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[GUNSHOTS]
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[SIGHS]
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You've gotta start driving with more attitude.
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Attitude? I've got attitude to spare.
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"Please don't hurt me" is not attitude.
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It's an invitation to get capped.
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Why don't you use
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the watchamacallit?
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That's only for use in dire emergencies, like when
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I'm rushing my future wife to the hospital to give birth.
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So, in other words, never.
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Why are we all forced to go to work at the same time?
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Who arbitrarily decided that 8:00 a.m. was a good time
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for everyone to go to work?
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There would be no rush hour if there was no rush.
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You have no understanding of human nature.
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If people weren't forced to come to work
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at a certain time, they wouldn't come at all.
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You have no faith in humanity.
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People are basically good.
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No, no! Help! Help me!
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What should we do?
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Close the windows.
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I'll turn on the radio.
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Just don't change any of my presets.
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Oh, heaven forbid.
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MAN 1: All music, all the time.
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MAN 2: More music and much less talk.
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WOMAN: We're the all-music station, except for right now
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which is a fluke more than anything.
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[SIGHS] This is a nightmare.
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MAN 3: And in business news...
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Ah, finally.
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Stocks are way up again today
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as every idiot with a telephone
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is dumping his lunch money into the market.
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That's outrageous. Idiots shouldn't have money.
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They won't have it long.
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The only people who make money in the stock market
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are the ones who manipulate the stock prices behind the scenes.
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Or the ones who write books about investing.
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They're the worst.
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[HUMMING]
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Great.
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Now traffic is completely stopped.
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DILBERT: This is insane.
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You know, this would be a perfect time
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to field test this thing.
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Okay, but just once
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to see if it works.
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On my mark--
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Three, two, one.
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DOGBERT: Nice shooting.
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Somehow, I just don't feel right about that.
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Just drive.
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I've got a book to write.
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[EXPLOSION]
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[music]
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[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
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Wally, I... hold it.
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Oh, hello, Dilbert.
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"Hello, Dilbert" nothing-- were you just reading a book?
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Are you bonkers? What makes you think that?
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My own eyes.
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Hardly a reliable source.
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I just saw you. You did not.
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Then what is this? Oh. That.
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That is not a book; it's a way of life.
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Get Rich or Get Out of My Way, INVESTING DOGBERT STYLE.
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It's full of investment tips
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that no one ever thought of before.
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I've done the first exercise
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and already I'm a millionaire on paper.
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What was the exercise?
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You write down on a piece of paper
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"I, Wally, am a millionaire."
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Millionaire has two L's, like your name
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Which, oddly enough, you also spelled wrong.
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Uh, that's my nickname-- Wally with one L.
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Who calls you that?
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Most people-- they just don't realize it.
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And now you're going to apply
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your special brand of genius to the stock market?
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The time to strike is nigh.
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Are you in?
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Did you say "nigh"?
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It's a word.
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How about if I just watch in stunned silence
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for the first round?
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Welcome to Dogbert's more than full price brokers
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where your dreams
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turn into large transaction fees overnight.
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Okay, let's see.
97
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"Invest in the company where you work
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"only if you have actual knowledge
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of what's going on inside the company."
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Insider trading is illegal.
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You could go to jail.
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Wally, I'll need to review
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the RFP for the BGA Project
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before the IOC meeting.
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Well, that has "alibi" written all over it.
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Are you in?
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Okay, I'm in.
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Excellent.
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Now, uh, what's the name of the company
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We work for?
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This week? Hmm.
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We were called Path-Way Electronics.
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Then we merged with E-Tech Management.
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Now I guess we're Path-E-Tech Management.
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All right, turn on the financial channel
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and get ready to score.
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As I said, weakness in the Japanese Yen, the Swiss Franc
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and the Russian, uh... Snot-Rag, are all bad news
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for poorly managed multinational companies.
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We're a poorly managed multinational company.
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As soon as he said that, our stock went down.
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Join me in ten minutes when I explain
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why poorly managed multinational companies
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are a great bargain.
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We're back up.
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I'm seeing a pattern here.
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The stock plummets on bad news
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which, ironically, is the best time to buy
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and the stock soars on good news
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which is obviously the time to sell.
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It's go time.
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Major lawsuits over product liability...
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Buy. Buy.
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The company announced
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layoffs to cut costs.
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Sell. Sell.
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Alleged accounting irregularities.
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Buy. Buy.
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Double or nothing.
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New product announced
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that will compete in the vaporware arena.
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Sell! Sell!
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[CHEERING]
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Oh, that was exciting.
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Well, back to work.
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Back to work?
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We're on a hot streak.
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Yes, and, if we keep going, we'll be on a cold streak.
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Let's leave it at that.
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Wuss.
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You can't get out now.
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You're in too deep.
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There's no turning back.
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It's all in the book.
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That book is worthless.
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We're going to be ruined.
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And now investment guru Dogbert.
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Shh! Quiet. It's him.
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Hello. The Chinese have a word for crisis.
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It's made up of two characters--
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Danger and Opportunity.
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Although this has nothing to do with anything
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I enjoy mentioning it.
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What should we do now?
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Now? Now is definitely the time to buy.
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I thought you were supposed to buy when the stock is low.
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Have I ever lied to you? ABOUT A THOUSAND TIMES.
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You don't have to throw it in my face.
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Sorry.
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I'll take care of the stock price.
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Excuse me a minute.
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You were caught in a jungle voodoo orgy
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with the cast of Deep Space Nine?
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No!
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Well... yes.
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Samuel, serve the poison.
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Must I?
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Yes.
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Wow. He really earns his commissions.
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The stock is so cheap now, we can buy
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a controlling interest in our own company.
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Let's do it.
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Wait. I...
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What?
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Are we ready for the responsibility
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That comes with owing the company?
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Uh, I'll say no.
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This is serious.
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We will inherit a moral obligation--
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to the other stockholders, yes
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but more importantly, to society at large.
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Who died and made you the Dalai Lama?
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All I'm saying is...
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Mahatma, we're not trying to change the world here.
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We're trying to make quick cash in the market
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and considering it's 11:30 and we started at 9:00,
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I'd say we're doing pretty good.
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But we could change things,
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change them for the better.
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I've always felt if I had an opportunity to run things
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I would be a kind and benevolent boss.
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00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:03,109
Employees would be free to come and go as they please,
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to choose hours that fit their lifestyles.
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In a word: flex-time.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, flex-time, shmex-time.
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Great idea. I love it.
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Can we just execute the buy already?
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Wally, look at me and tell me
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we're going to do the right thing.
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I will tell you we're doing the right thing
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but I will not look at you.
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Wally... You do whatever you want.
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Me? I'm cashing out. You plan to retire?
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Retire? From what?
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I don't do anything now except surf the net.
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Why should I pay for that?
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Besides, I really like the coffee here.
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Fellas-- tick, tick, tick.
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Carpe diem, DILBERT.
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Seize the day. What?
221
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Carpe diem.
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00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:39,645
I think that's a fish.
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Boys.
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Okay. Okay.
225
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Good. You two now own 51% of the company.
226
00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:47,653
Yeah, but the stock's not worth anything.
227
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I'll be right back.
228
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Hello. I'm Dogbert.
229
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And welcome to SHAMS, SCAMS, AND FLIM FLAMS IN REVIEW.
230
00:09:56,162 --> 00:09:59,165
Today our round table of financial experts include
231
00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:01,667
Vlad Corfu, financial planner
232
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,170
for the firm of Dreman, Hal and Corfu.
233
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,671
Welcome.
234
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:08,174
My next guest is a pension fund manager
235
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:09,675
for Pogrom Investments,
236
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,677
Traylor Barone.
237
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:13,679
Our next guest runs her own investment firm
238
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Hey, It's Me Investments--
239
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,183
Esther Bester.
240
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:19,185
And my final guest is a bear from the circus
241
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Formerly from the woods; do you have a name?
242
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They call me Brownie.
243
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:24,690
Okay, let's talk about the market.
244
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What market?
245
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,193
The stock market.
246
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:28,694
Ohh. Ohh.
247
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:29,695
You had me worried there.
248
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I thought you meant the white slave market...
249
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of which I know nothing.
250
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Does anybody care that I'm a bear?
251
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I'm not thrilled.
252
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:38,204
If we could, people, lets talk about
253
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The swirling rumors surrounding a supposed takeover
254
00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:42,208
of Path-E-Tech Management, Inc.
255
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,210
Has anybody heard that rumor?
256
00:10:44,210 --> 00:10:45,711
I heard a rumor that everyone
257
00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:47,713
in that company's gay or at least bisexual.
258
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:50,216
I heard they kidnap little children and drink their blood
259
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:51,717
from little plastic cups that they make
260
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from detergent bottles.
261
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:55,221
Anybody hear anything about the takeover?
262
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Why are you looking at me?
263
00:10:56,722 --> 00:10:57,723
I'm a bear.
264
00:10:57,723 --> 00:10:58,724
He's just looking.
265
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I swear to God, I'll come over there
266
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and one swipe with my claw
267
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and you will not have a face, my friend, okay?
268
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:06,732
I have a poison dart gun; you won't know what hit you.
269
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:08,234
You won't be able to reload it
270
00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:09,735
fast enough before I rip you in half.
271
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If I go down, I'll take the rest of you with me.
272
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Okay, that's it.
273
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What about the takeover rumors?
274
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,241
That's what?
275
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,243
I don't need this. Yeah?
276
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:19,245
Do you need a hideous scar across your entire body?
277
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:21,247
Listen, I'm the owner of Hey, It's Me Investments.
278
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:22,748
You keep messing with me
279
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:24,750
and it's going to be called Hey, It Was You.
280
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:26,252
You hear me? You hear me?
281
00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:27,753
Okay. You take that back.
282
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:33,759
I believe we have a consensus.
283
00:11:33,759 --> 00:11:36,262
Follow Dogbert's advice.
284
00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:38,264
Follow Dogbert's advice.
285
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:40,266
BOTH: music Follow, follow, Follow, follow music
286
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:41,767
music Follow Dogbert's advice music
287
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:44,770
music We're... off To spend the money... music
288
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:45,771
Alice, we have
289
00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:47,773
a controlling interest in the company.
290
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:49,275
We're both billionaires.
291
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:51,277
You'll be corrupted like the rest.
292
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:52,778
Money is the root of all evil.
293
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:54,780
It eats you from the inside out
294
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:57,783
until you die a slow and lonely death.
295
00:11:57,783 --> 00:11:59,785
I'll give you a billion dollars in stock
296
00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:01,287
if you'll shut up.
297
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:02,788
Deal.
298
00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:04,790
music La, la, la, la, la, la music
299
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:06,792
music La-la-la-la-la-la music
300
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:08,294
Whatever you two did
301
00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:10,296
it boosted the stock to record highs.
302
00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:12,798
You've made the rich richer and given the shaft
303
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:15,301
to the small investors who bailed out too soon.
304
00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:16,802
Very evil. Good work.
305
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:17,803
Thanks.
306
00:12:17,803 --> 00:12:19,305
Evil?
307
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:21,307
Oh, by the way, there's a board meeting in half an hour.
308
00:12:21,307 --> 00:12:22,308
As the company's major stockholders
309
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,309
it might be a good idea
310
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:25,311
to make an appearance for appearance sake.
311
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,313
Will there be food? Food?
312
00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,815
Do the finest doughnuts in the building
313
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:30,816
sound like food to you?
314
00:12:30,816 --> 00:12:32,318
Ambrosia from the gods.
315
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:34,320
Dilbert, we've arrived.
316
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:45,831
Hey, Dilbert, do I have anything here?
317
00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:48,334
That's the only spot you don't have anything.
318
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,836
Don't you want to earn these people's respect?
319
00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:51,837
We are THESE PEOPLE
320
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:54,340
so we only have to earn our own respect.
321
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,841
Do you respect me?
322
00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:57,343
No. Do you respect yourself?
323
00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:58,344
No.
324
00:12:58,344 --> 00:12:59,845
Do you respect me?
325
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:00,846
Are you kidding?
326
00:13:00,846 --> 00:13:02,348
Do you respect yourself?
327
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:03,349
Not really.
328
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:04,350
All right.
329
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:06,352
Let's just be quiet.
330
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,854
Gentlemen, gentlemen, let's get things started.
331
00:13:08,854 --> 00:13:11,857
I know we all want to get back to more pressing matters.
332
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,359
Now, the first item on the agenda
333
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,361
is to welcome our newest board members
334
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,863
and, as of this morning actual majority owners
335
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:19,865
of the company, Dilbert and Wally.
336
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:22,368
I just wanted to say... whoa!
337
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:23,869
Nice chip, Harry.
338
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:25,371
Thanks, Roy. Mind if I play through?
339
00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:26,372
Go right ahead.
340
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:45,891
I just wanted to say it's an honor
341
00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:50,896
to stand among such an esteemed and august, uh, group
342
00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:52,398
and I hope Wally and I...
343
00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:53,899
Hey, what's your handicap?
344
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:55,901
He doesn't know when to shut up.
345
00:13:55,901 --> 00:13:58,404
[ALL LAUGHING]
346
00:13:58,404 --> 00:14:00,906
You two are going to fit right in here
347
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:03,409
and I'm referring, of course, only to Wally.
348
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:04,910
Next order of business--
349
00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:06,912
Read back the minutes of the last meeting.
350
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:08,414
We gave each other stock options,
351
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:10,916
discussed ways to ignore the needs of others
352
00:14:10,916 --> 00:14:12,918
and Hamilton had a racial joke.
353
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:13,919
Thank you, Bill.
354
00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:15,421
Now on to a more pressing matter.
355
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:18,924
Gentlemen, and I say gentlemen, because there ain't no damn way
356
00:14:18,924 --> 00:14:21,427
a woman's going to sit on this board while I'm alive...
357
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:23,929
[GASPS]
358
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:25,431
What he was going to say was
359
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:27,933
apparently, despite our best efforts
360
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:31,437
the company is not losing money fast enough.
361
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:32,938
Excuse me. Did you just say
362
00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:34,940
the company wasn't losing MONEY FAST ENOUGH?
363
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:36,442
Jeez, Wally, can't you reign this guy in?
364
00:14:36,442 --> 00:14:38,444
He's like a loose cannon.
365
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,946
Dilbert, will you stop embarrassing yourself?
366
00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:42,448
If you read Dogbert's book
367
00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:43,949
you'd know that a fast-growing company
368
00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:45,951
always loses money while it's expanding.
369
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:47,453
We're not a fast-growing company.
370
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,955
And we never will be if we don't lose more money.
371
00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:51,457
So, uh...
372
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:54,460
Suggestions on how we can lose money faster?
373
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:55,961
Uh, what if we just, uh, well...
374
00:14:55,961 --> 00:14:56,962
Gave it to me?
375
00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:59,465
[ALL LAUGHING]
376
00:14:59,465 --> 00:15:00,966
Oh, Wally, you're a card.
377
00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:02,468
This guy kills me.
378
00:15:02,468 --> 00:15:03,969
Next order of business:
379
00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:05,971
We have to select a new CEO.
380
00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:08,974
As tradition dictates, whosoever can remove
381
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:11,477
this nine iron from the golf bag
382
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:14,480
will be proclaimed chief executive officer.
383
00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:20,486
ALL: Ooh...
384
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:23,489
Wow. First guy who tried...
385
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:24,490
just like the other times.
386
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:27,493
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
387
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:28,994
Can I just say one thing?
388
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,996
Yes, but put his gag on first.
389
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:33,499
[MUFFLED MUTTERING]
390
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:35,000
Can I just say one thing?
391
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,001
Is it about golf?
392
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:37,002
Not really.
393
00:15:37,002 --> 00:15:39,004
Not even peripherally?
394
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:40,506
No. Could you at least
395
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:41,507
hold a golf club
396
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:42,508
while you talk?
397
00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:43,509
I guess so.
398
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:46,011
Hand him a wedge, Raul.
399
00:15:46,011 --> 00:15:49,014
When I became a major stockholder of this firm
400
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:52,518
I felt it was my duty to improve employee morale.
401
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:55,020
Anyway, I searched my soul, although I realize
402
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:56,522
science doesn't accept its existence
403
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:57,523
[SNORING]
404
00:15:57,523 --> 00:16:00,025
and I decided the best way to help the employees
405
00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:02,027
would be to introduce flex-time.
406
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:03,529
All in favor, say...
407
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:04,530
[MAKES SNORING SOUND]
408
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:08,033
[ALL SNORING]
409
00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:11,036
Uh, the resolution passes unanimously.
410
00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:12,037
From now on
411
00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:14,039
all employees can make their own schedules.
412
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:16,041
You were a little too quick to agree.
413
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,044
I have my reasons.
414
00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:22,047
"Chapter Eight: Screwing it Up."
415
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:24,049
Flex-time.
416
00:16:24,049 --> 00:16:26,051
You mean we can come and go as we please.
417
00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:27,052
That's right.
418
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:29,054
From now on, you're all masters of your own...
419
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:31,056
Whoa! Aah!
420
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:39,565
I hope someone turned off the coffeemakers.
421
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:44,069
Ooh, this turned out even better than I expected.
422
00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:45,571
You compassionate bastard.
423
00:16:45,571 --> 00:16:47,573
You've ruined me.
424
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:49,575
Ow!
425
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:51,577
Fore!
426
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:58,584
They say no one ever faced death
427
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:02,588
wishing they'd spent more time at the office.
428
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,089
Guess I'm the first.
429
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:05,591
[SCREAMS]
430
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:07,092
[GRUNTS]
431
00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:08,093
Mother of mercy.
432
00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:10,095
Take me home, St. Peter.
433
00:17:10,095 --> 00:17:13,098
Why hast thou forsaken me?
434
00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:15,601
Because you were an atheist until you hit the ground.
435
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:21,607
Mental note: next time, find religion first.
436
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,110
Welcome back.
437
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:28,113
We were talking about rumors of the takeover of the company
438
00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:30,616
and the sudden and precipitous plunge in share price
439
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,618
following Dilbert's flex-time announcement.
440
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,620
Traylor, I believe you had a few points.
441
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:38,624
Vlad, do you have anything to add?
442
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:39,625
[WINCING]
443
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:40,626
It's burning.
444
00:17:40,626 --> 00:17:42,628
It's burning so bad.
445
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,630
Not everyone would agree.
446
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:46,632
Esther, apparently you've spoken to officials
447
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:48,133
at the security exchange commission.
448
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:49,635
What do you see on the horizon?
449
00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:52,137
[WHEEZING GASPS]
450
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:54,139
No. I don't believe faces grow back...
451
00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:55,641
but thanks.
452
00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:57,142
And finally, Brownie the Bear is dead.
453
00:17:57,142 --> 00:18:00,145
I want to thank Animal Control for their quick action.
454
00:18:00,145 --> 00:18:02,648
Now, I have a stockholder's meeting to attend.
455
00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:10,656
Fortunately for me, I am a long-term investor.
456
00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:14,159
Mr. Chairman
457
00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:16,161
how can you explain the moves you've made
458
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:18,163
that seem to be deliberate attempts
459
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:20,165
to destroy Path-E-Tech Management Incorporated
460
00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:21,667
and send the stock plummeting?
461
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:23,669
I don't have to answer to you.
462
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:25,170
Of course, you do.
463
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,171
We're the shareholders.
464
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:28,173
Still, you should have sold hours ago.
465
00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:30,676
It's all in my book on sale in the lobby.
466
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:32,177
Buy a copy as they kick you out.
467
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:38,684
I've owned a share of this company
468
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,185
since my dear blessed father,
469
00:18:40,185 --> 00:18:43,188
rest his soul in the sweet bosom of the Lord,
470
00:18:43,188 --> 00:18:46,191
passed it on to me on his deathbed.
471
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:47,693
You only own one share of stock?
472
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:49,695
Don't interrupt me!
473
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:51,697
I would like to know why the company
474
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:54,199
stopped making those lovely biscuits
475
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:56,702
with the pink sugar icing in the middle.
476
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:58,704
Well, I never cared for them myself,
477
00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:02,708
but they were my dear sweet father's favorite bedtime treat.
478
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,710
Every night he'd pour himself
479
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:06,211
a gigantic tumbler of Scotch
480
00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:08,213
and eat 20 or 30 of those biscuits
481
00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:10,215
until he collapsed on the kitchen floor
482
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:11,717
screaming for his insulin.
483
00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:14,219
And then mother would put it in a tissue box
484
00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:15,721
and bury it in the backyard.
485
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:17,723
Okay, we're just about out of time here.
486
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:19,224
I'm not finished, you filthy little piece of--!
487
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:20,225
Security!
488
00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:21,727
Code: Grandma Overload.
489
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:25,230
By the way, as of this moment
490
00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:28,233
the stock is worth about six-tenths of a cent.
491
00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:31,236
Anybody who wants to get out before being totally bankrupt
492
00:19:31,236 --> 00:19:33,739
I'm offering three-tenths of a cent per share.
493
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:37,242
[CLAMORING]
494
00:19:37,242 --> 00:19:38,744
Wally, what shall we do?
495
00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:40,245
Wally?
496
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,247
You boys really screwed up a good thing.
497
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:44,750
Now that my filthy riches are gone
498
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,251
I'm just filthy!
499
00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:47,753
Nobody wants that. Nobody!
500
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:48,754
[SOBBING]
501
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:50,255
Wally, where have you been?
502
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:52,257
I had to transact some business.
503
00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:54,259
Wow. That was exciting.
504
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:55,761
That buying frenzy sent the stock
505
00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:57,763
back up to a new all-time high.
506
00:19:57,763 --> 00:20:00,265
Buying frenzy? I thought it was a selling frenzy.
507
00:20:00,265 --> 00:20:01,767
You're one frenzy behind.
508
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,769
Hey... we didn't sell.
509
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:05,771
We're still the majority shareholders
510
00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:07,272
and we're billionaires again.
511
00:20:07,272 --> 00:20:09,274
We're hanging in there, right, Wally, old buddy?
512
00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:10,776
I... sold everything
513
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,277
while the old lady was bellyaching.
514
00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:13,278
Wally!
515
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,780
It was in the book.
516
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:15,781
That's right.
517
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,282
It's all in the last chapter--
518
00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:19,284
"Congratulations. You're broke."
519
00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:21,286
Well, I'm glad I didn't sell.
520
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:22,287
Actually, you did.
521
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:23,789
You ought to change the password
522
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:25,290
on your brokerage account.
523
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:26,792
This sort of thing wouldn't happen.
524
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,293
[SHRIEKS]
525
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:30,295
If everyone sold their stock
526
00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:32,297
I wonder who bought it all?
527
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:41,306
DILBERT: Wow. There's no traffic.
528
00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:43,809
DOGBERT: Yeah. That flex-time really works.
529
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:46,311
So, now you own the company, what are you going to do?
530
00:20:46,311 --> 00:20:47,312
I guess you haven't heard.
531
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:48,814
What?
532
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:50,315
[ROCK BLARING]
533
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:51,316
KROK!
534
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:55,320
Music that makes you deaf!
535
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:56,822
K-OW!
536
00:20:56,822 --> 00:21:00,325
We're so distorted, you can't even tell what I'm saying!
537
00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:01,827
KDOA!
538
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:04,830
[SCREAMING]
539
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:06,331
I changed the presets.
540
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:07,332
I can see that.
541
00:21:07,332 --> 00:21:08,834
[LIGHT ORCHESTRAL FANFARE]
542
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:09,835
Ah. Here we go.
543
00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:11,336
And in business news, it's official:
544
00:21:11,336 --> 00:21:13,839
Entrepreneur investment guru Dogbert has sold
545
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:16,341
his controlling interest in Dogbert Incorporated
546
00:21:16,341 --> 00:21:17,843
for $100 billion.
547
00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:19,845
[CHUCKLES] Not quite that much.
548
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:22,347
There's no word on what the new company will be named.
549
00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:23,849
Hey, look.
550
00:21:37,362 --> 00:21:38,864
On my mark.
551
00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:50,876
You haven't seen the last of me, buddy!
552
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:52,377
DILBERT: Now, reset my radio.
553
00:21:52,377 --> 00:21:54,880
I will hunt you down! I will not rest...
554
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:58,383
until I see you suffer for what you've done to me!
555
00:22:01,386 --> 00:22:03,889
[music]
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